By: Penelope Stopford, Year 11
Having a sibling is not a unique phenomenon. Around 82 percent of children under the age of 18 live with at least one. Whether you have a brother or sister, this relationship is generally the longest-lasting family link of a person’s life, shaping how an individual sees and understands the world, their family, their friendships and themselves.
These bonds are often seen as easy and automatic, and many are. Lots of people who have siblings tend to get along, their friendships built on blood, a shared home and growing up together. But in reality, being part of the same family as someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are close and get along.
The odd thing about them is that they’re often a gamble, and amicability isn’t always guaranteed. An estimated 24% of American adults say that they are currently estranged from a sibling. So why is this number so high between two people who are expected to be best friends for life?
Those people who automatically get along with their siblings are incredibly lucky. They have a built-in friend from birth, someone with whom they can move past their differences and focus on the important things. They will always be there for one another, supporting them when they struggle with their health, both mental and physical, helping them when things get hard.
For those who don’t have this sense of built-in comradery, the reality is very different, and often much worse. Constantly being compared, they compete for attention, to be the most intelligent, the best at anything. This incessant rivalry often makes one feel neglected, as if they have failed and will always come second. The perpetual battles, the never ending bickering, the lying, the stealing, the cheating, the violence all make life horrendous. It tears your family apart, drives your parents insane, and makes you feel guilty because they have to suffer.
There are many reasons why sibling relationships differ so greatly. Personality clashes, perceived favoritism, and differences in parenting can all play a role. At the end of the day, siblings are not copies of one another, they are their own, individual, unique people. They may have completely different values, morals, and ways of interacting with the world.
No matter how hard your parents try to make sure that you grow up equally, heavily emphasising from a young age that you are your own individual people, never so much as daring to compare you two, at a certain point, the relationship becomes a matter of choice. These bonds, just like any other form of friendship, take a lot of work, and if your sibling tries to make an effort to get along, and you don’t, absolutely no progress can or will ever be made.
Effort has to go both ways. Just like we choose our friends, we need to decide whether we can move past our differences, no matter how big they are, to find a common ground. If one sibling is willing to improve the connection while the other is not, progress becomes impossible, and distance will remain. Making the effort to get along with your brother or sister doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to become best friends, it can just mean basic respect and civility, maybe even choosing to support each other when times get hard.
In the end, being siblings does not automatically mean being close. Some get along naturally, while others have relationships which are a bit harder and require more effort. Some may never even fully develop to a close bond. What matters is recognizing that, while you cannot control everything, your actions still play a role in shaping your bond with your sibling.
